Here are five common mistakes that will put a strain on your marriage. Maybe you can suggest another in the comment section below.
This is one of those things into which it is so easy to drift. We take our spouse for granted, thereby neglecting them. Our spouse likely does a lot around the house and with the children, and to neglect our partner is like telling them we don’t need them. Neglect can come in the form of not helping around the house and letting everything fall to them. When we stop doing things for one another, it is so easy to slide into “okay, I’m in it for me.” Surprise your spouse with a thank-you card or a date night. Remember what it was first like when you both were dating. You certainly didn’t neglect them then, did you?
I plead guilty to this. Sometimes it’s “easier” to lie about why I was late or why I didn’t do what I said I would. When we’re caught in a lie, we frequently tell another lie to cover it up, and, wow, what a tangled web we weave. We can weave it so tightly that even we can’t get out of it. It’s better to take the blame and be honest than to be dishonest and them find out later that you lied. Besides, God knows! When trust is gone, it’s hard to have a good marital relationship after that.
Trying to Change Them
I don’t know how many couples I’ve spoken with that have tried to change their spouse. Only God can truly change their heart (Prov. 21:1). The only person we can change is us. By trying to change your spouse, you either make them dig their heels deeper in resistance against you or you make them feel that they’re not good enough for you. Neither of these is good. Want to change your spouse? Change the way you are and then trust God and leave the results up to Him. I find that I make a very poor imitation of the Holy Spirit.
Don’t Bring Up the “D” Word
This word ought to be ripped out of every dictionary in a couple’s home. It should never come out of our mouths. Sometimes we bring it up during heated arguments. Some couples even try to use that as a trump card or as a threat, but it’s better left unsaid. Never threaten divorce. You might get what you don’t want.
The Silent Treatment
This one really hurts. It’s one of the few things that we can do to hurt someone, by not saying a thing. When one spouse refuses to talk, it shuts down any hope of solving a relational problem because the communication’s been cut off. It’s similar to two nations at war with one another: When there are no peace talks, a solution is highly unlikely. Communication is the bridge where people can meet. Burning that bridge cuts off all hope of reconciliation.
There are a lot more than these five common mistakes that will strain a marriage, but there are no less than these five: neglecting the other spouse, being dishonest with your spouse, trying your best to change them, bringing up divorce and shutting down all communication. I pray these can help you avoid putting a strain on your marriage because most of us took vows that said “till death do we part,” and that’s the way God created marriage to be.
May God richly bless you,
Pastor Jack Wellman
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