Here are 5 warning signs of a troubled marriage. Can you think of any more that you might add?
Imagine if you will that you never pray to God anymore and you hardly ever read His Word. That would be a warning sign of your faith being in crisis so isn’t it also a warning sign in a marriage if neither of the two ever talk to each other? One may stay in his “man cave” while the other stays in the living room and the two hardly ever talk about how the day went, what went on today, or how the children did at school or a sports activity. Not communicating is a serious warning sign for any relationship. By not speaking to one another, that says volumes. It is basically a “roaring silence.” When there is a decided withdrawing from one another, take that as a warning sign.
No Natural Affection
It isn’t natural to have no natural affection for your spouse. This is a warning sign for sure. For those parents who have no affection for each other anymore, I would imagine that they still (hopefully) have affection for their children and that is natural but it isn’t natural to show no or have no natural affections going on between marriage partners.
The Blame Game
It is too easy to blame someone else for our mistakes but when we start blaming our spouse for the way we feel then that is a warning sign for the marriage. A man I counseled a couple of years ago actually blamed his wife for his adulterous affair because he wasn’t having sexual relations with his wife anymore. I know the Bible says to not deprive one another lest we might be tempted and Paul did say “because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Cor 7:2) but that’s a gigantic and unbiblical leap to blame your “cold” spouse for having an adulterous affair. Yes we are told to “ not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Cor 7:5) but this in no way gives someone permission to commit adultery.
Partners Stop Good Self-Care
When someone starts to let themselves go and doesn’t care what they look like anymore, that could be a warning sign. I am getting older (past 60) but at least I try to look presentable in the mornings…taking a shower, combing my hair and shaving but when good self-care ceases to exist, that is a bad sign for sure the marriage might be in trouble.
When name calling starts to be dragged into arguments, you might be headed for trouble in your marriage, especially if the arguments are over things that are not serious at all. When one starts to belittle the other spouse and nitpick over trivial things that don’t matter and when the past is brought up over and over again, these are serious warning signs for your marriage.
If you are having these or other issues with your marriage, pray to God to help you. Swallow your pride and ask if your spouse will go with you to a good Christian marriage counselor. Start having romantic get together’s again. Spend time alone. Have someone watch the children and spend the weekend away from home at a Bed and Breakfast somewhere. Every marriage takes work but it is worth the effort because marriage is a divine institution and it is worth fighting and working for and praying for.
May God richly bless you,
Pastor Jack Wellman[ssba]
image source: CC BY Randen Pederson
modifications: cropped, text added
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