6 Things To Never Say To Your Kids

Every parent has regretted saying things to their child. What six things should you never say to your child, whether young or old? What things would you include?

You’ll Never Amount to Anything

I have heard people that actually heard this from their parents and they never got over it and even though they did amount to something significant in their life, these words penetrated into the deepest inner recesses of their mind and heart. They left a long lasting wound that is still there today and like a scar, it’s a permanent reminder that they will never amount to anything and that might become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  This can also tell a child that they might as well not even try.

You Never/You Always

No one always does or never does one thing in particular, so avoid saying “you never (fill in the blank)” or “you always (whatever it is).” If you’re not careful, it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you tell your child enough times that they never clean up their room, why would they want to? If you tell them that they always fail at math, then they’ll give up trying. It becomes what is called a self-fulfilling prophecy where you expect them to always or never do this or that and they’ll live up or down to that expectation. Never make sweeping statements like “you never do this” or “you always do that” because that is never true.

You’re a Bad Boy/Bad Girl

This one really hurts deep. I think it is always best to separate the actions from the child. In other words, if they make a bad choice tell them that they made a bad decision or choice, never that they are a bad child. They will begin to believe it if they hear it often enough and will have little or no motivation to ever want to change, so why should they even try since they’ve been told that they’re a bad person. I heard this in church once and it broke my heart because I had that child in my Sunday school class. I believe we can say a child has made a bad choice but to tell them they’re a bad child means the parent is not separating the child’s behavior or choices from the child itself.

You’re Just Like Your Father/Mother/Sister/Brother

This one brings a person down but it also brings or puts down the person that you’re associating them with. What if your mother said “You’re just like your father” or you father said “You’re just like your mother.” That would certainly hurt them but it would also make them angry because even though their mother or father’s not perfect, it’s their mother and father and you’re putting them down too. When you say “You’re just like” you’re locking them into a stereotype and making it impossible for them to escape from it. If you tell a child that they’re just like their (fill in the blank), we are also running down that person we’re comparing them too, and that is not what a child of God should do.

You Never Do Anything Right

This one brings a person down but it also brings or puts down the person that you’re associating them with. What if your mother said “You’re just like your father” or you father said “You’re just like your mother.” That would certainly hurt them but it would also make them angry because even though their mother or father’s not perfect, it’s their mother and father and you’re putting them down too. When you say “You’re just like” you’re locking them into a stereotype and making it impossible for them to escape from it. If you tell a child that they’re just like their (fill in the blank), we are also running down that person we’re comparing them too, and that is not what a child of God should do.

I’m Through With You/I Wish I Never Had Kids

I combined these two because so often they go together. Several prisoners I’ve spoken with have had their families, their friends, and everyone give up on them when God never forsakes us (Heb 13:5). It could also be stated as “I give up on you” and this would make the child believe that they can never go to you for advice or counsel and that they’re a lost cause. This almost makes the child seem that their birth was a mistake and that the parents regretted even having them. This could lead to thoughts of cutting, hurting themselves or even suicide. It is a “death wish” statement to tell a child they wished they’d never been born or they are finished with them. It tells them that their life was a mistake and that they are not wanted or were ever wanted by their parents, or by anyone else. How tragic!

Conclusion

Our church works with former and some current prisoners and many of these men and women heard these things growing up so it’s no wonder they ended up getting into serious trouble when they got older. We also work with juvenile offenders in helping them with community service, and we hear from these prisoners or juveniles that all they heard when they were growing up was just how worthless they were, how they were not important, and how they have been a burden on their families, but the Bible says children are a gift from God (Psalm 127:3). Can you see how this is contrary to the way God treats us, His own children? Can we see just how easily children can be hurt and impacted for a lifetime? Words do matter and they can hurt worse that sticks and stones, which can heal, but hurtful words can leave deep scars in which the child or children never forget. We should never say these or any other hurtful thing to our child, no matter if they’re 9 or 90. Words hurt and even if a child is now grown, a parent’s words can cut deeply and hurt badly and some words do irrevocable damage that never heals.

May God richly bless you,

Pastor Jack Wellman

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